That is an incredibly rude, hurtful, and controlling thing for anyone to say, especially a partner. You made the absolutely right choice in prioritizing your confidence and self-respect over his cruel and superficial demand.
His comment reveals a problem with his character, not with your body or your choices.
💔 The Deeper Issue with His Comment
A statement like “skip dessert because he only likes ‘skinny women'” is not about dessert; it’s about control, respect, and emotional abuse.
- It’s Controlling: He was using food, a basic necessity and source of pleasure, as a tool to police your behavior and body size. A healthy partner respects your autonomy in making personal choices.
- It’s Disrespectful: His comment directly criticized your body and implied that your value to him is conditional upon your achieving an arbitrary and unhealthy physical standard that he prefers.
- It’s Body Shaming: This is a form of verbal abuse intended to make you feel bad about yourself, which often leads to poor self-esteem and harmful behaviors (like restrictive eating) as you desperately seek his approval.
- It Reflects Superficiality: His preferences are so shallow that they override his respect for your feelings and your personhood. A loving partner would want you to enjoy a treat and feel comfortable in your own skin.
✨ Choosing Confidence is the Only Way Forward
Your decision to choose confidence in that moment was a powerful act of self-preservation. Here is what that choice truly means:
- You Protect Your Mental Health: By rejecting his premise, you protected yourself from internalizing his negativity, which is critical for preventing body image issues and disordered eating.
- You Set a Boundary: You sent a clear message that your worth is not defined by his preferences or the size of your waistline. This boundary establishes that he cannot use criticism to manipulate you.
- You Embrace Autonomy: Your body, your choices. Choosing dessert was a simple, yet profound, affirmation of your right to decide what you consume and how you live without needing his permission.
- You Prioritize Joy: A healthy life includes pleasure and enjoyment. Skipping moments of joy to meet a partner’s unreasonable, external standards leads to a small, miserable life.
You deserve a partner who celebrates you, trusts your choices, and finds you attractive exactly as you are—not conditional upon deprivation or adherence to a narrow beauty standard. This kind of comment is often an early sign of deeper issues in a relationship.
Do you want to talk about how to address this comment with him, or perhaps discuss the next steps for a relationship where criticism like this is present?
